By Tabby, Senior Scribe, Scandal Sheet Section


TRUMP TURNS HOME DEPOT INTO IMMIGRATION CHECKPOINT, SEEKS WALL BUILDERS ON SALE


EXCLUSIVE PICS: President Trump sparked early morning chaos Monday at Home Depot, with eyewitnesses spotting him driving a rusty pickup through the parking lot like a one-man immigration patrol. And he wasn't there to pick up some nails and a six-pack



Our sources say he was trolling for cheap labor to build his beloved wall.

Don't ask us why, but we're not surprised to see 45 cruising the aisles in search of "the best people" – even if they are undocumented. After all, who needs government-issued work visas when you've got a national emergency on your hands?(and a handy little loophole called 'national emergency')



One witness, who kept their identity under wraps while still dishing the dirt, told us, "I was grabbing some drywall mud when suddenly, here comes Trump, honking and waving an American flag out the window. I thought it was a drive-by shooting at first – then I realized, 'Oh no, it's just Trump hunting Mexicans...'"




When pressed for comment, The White House dismissed the whole affair as mere "presidential reconnaissance." Translation: They're hoping nobody notices the Commander-in-Chief moonlighting as the Border Patrol's most unwanted recruit. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, those secret service agents are probably sweating bullets, wondering if tomorrow's assignment includes another joyride through the orange-vested masses.

But don't worry, folks! Scandal Sheet has the real story straight from the horse's mouth – or at least the horse's stable hand.



According to our snitch, this isn't just about rounding up free labor; it's also about sending a message: "If Mexico won't pay, America will negotiate... with discount prices!" So brace yourselves, patriots! It looks like the wall is finally getting built – one bargain-basement day laborer at a time.

Keep your eyes peeled for more updates as this bizarre tale unfolds. And remember, folks, when duty calls (and offers 50% off select outdoor power equipment), the only thing left to do is answer... with your wallet ready.